'Juggernauts' of Kochi

Once upon a time the mark of the commercial capital of Kerala was the noisy front engine autorickshaw which gave you the bumpiest ride in the world.The front engine autos have now almost disappeared being replaced by their purring back engine cousins.Not to forget the latest five seater which is so spacious and feels like a chariot of old days and is rather embarrassing to ride on if you are the lone passenger.

Nowadays the first thing that catches the eye when one sets foot in Ernakulam is a host of bright red giants,with equally colourful names,
promenading the roads ready to take you to any place you want to.They are the private buses of the city,the lifeline to thousands of daily commuters .
How much a Cochite depends on the private bus is quite evident on a hartal day when we find throngs of passengers at the bus stops,hoping against hope, for a flash of red.

St.John,St.Joseph,Christ,Maria,St.Jacob and Melkisadek are not the heavenly hosts,nor are Jismol,Remadevi,Sudha,and Laila young ladies, but roaring buses that ply my route.Then there are a set of names like CEEYEM,PEEYES,KAYKAY,VEEKAY probably christened to numerological perfection.

My tryst with the Kochi buses started when I joined college.It's a half an hour journey from home to college and does not involve long waits for a bus on a normal day.When Remadevi rolls into my stop with a maidenly gait,there would be enough space on the footboard to accommodate one foot.No wonder they call it the "footboard".I'll have atleast six other women hanging on with me and all of us supported by the 'kili'.
Now a 'kili' in every bus is necessarily a young man of lean built(so he uses up minimal space),with the agility of a monkey(waits for 5 seconds after the bus has rolled on,to spring on to the footboard),sticky as Spiderman(acrobatic skills are a prerequisite for the job),and perhaps the happiest of working men.How many men work being jostled by women!The conductors of the buses are recruited with preference given to men capable of rude behaviour and tempers that flare especially at the sight of the uniforms or the Student concession cards.
A Private bus driver in Kochi is one person ,whose path you'd never want to cross.I think it is a national waste for Cochites to spend huge amounts going to Veegaland.Take a one way ticket from Kacheripady to Aluva and find a seat adjacent to the driver where you have the driver's view of the road Thrills,chills,screams and fears all come naturally especially between Kaloor and Edapally and that too without a seat belt!And the fancy name of the ride: "Hit or Miss"!(Warning:Pregnant ladies,children below 10,heart and pressure patients and the lily-livered are prohibited).
These 'experts' sometime fancy driving with a single hand,sometimes without any, and sometimes facing the horrified ladies behind him with a greasy grin!
They hardly tolerate overtaking and along with the 'kili' and conductor are one happy union when it comes to the use of colourful expletives.
The other day a priest got run over by a bus quite ironically named 'Heaven'!

The buses headed in my direction invariably have Naval Base printed on the windshield.In all my years of studying English I've never doubted my spellings until I saw "navel base","neval base",and "nevel base" printed on the glass.

Riding in a bus is certainly an adventure even after you get a promotion from the footboard.One loses the sense of the individual,the stifles,the cramps,the groans of people sardined inside are then a collective response.For all I know my arms are longer in one year's time from hanging on the bars and being flung to and fro when the driver pleases to slam the brakes.

I am most creative when on the bus.My head buzzes with the artistic afflatus.Unfortunately one can't jot down while hanging off the footboard.In anticipation of a wonder gadget that converts thoughts into words just like that, Viva private buses!

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